Never Knowing

I think I’m afraid of knowledge–more precisely, I probably feart the possibility that, after expending so much effort, commitment, and youth to obtain it, I’ll find it doesn’t really exist.  Instead I learn a smattering of talking points and counterpoints so I can keep up the charade.  Like a ping-pong match, my thought bounc back and forth: point, counterpoint, exception, caveat, qualification, and on and on until I’ve narrowed and sanitized a piece of information ot the point where it holds not value except to show that some other piece of information is less correct than presented.

So I do this.  But then I’ll get so cynical, so cognizant of hte fact that I am not closer to a truth of any kind, so far from creating constructive, affirmative knowledge that I just stop.  Instead, I’ll allow myself to get caught up in mundanities like money, work, television, “the future,” mindless games–the exact things that I tell myself to move beyond every morning.